Thursday, February 4, 2010

A Bottle of Emotions

So I wasn't planning on posting tonight. . . My day was rather boring. I slept & cleaned.

But then I read this WONDERFUL birth story. And I loved the way she wrote. . . I loved her pictures, her story, the way she handled it and how honest she was. So I started reading other post of hers. . . I kept reading, and reading. I read the whole first page of her blog. . .
And then I moved onto the 2nd page. And the first post on that 2nd page really stood out to me.

It made me realize that in these last 6 months - I have not spent a single day nor have I spent a single sleepless night alone. I have had my beautiful baby girl with me every.single.step of the way. 

My beautiful daughter has been my savior. She has pulled me through this deployment - I honestly don't know if I could have done it without her. The end of November and all of December I was so depressed. It was a mixture of things. . . But mostly from bad memories of something that happened 5 years ago with my family at that time of the year - And mostly the fact that I was spending my 1st Holiday season with my husband over seas. We have been so lucky - He missed T-Giving in 06 because he was in FL at A-School, and we had a late Christmas that year because of the same reason - But he came home 3 days later and we celebrated and then we rang in the New Year newly engaged. But that was easier to deal with - We were still able to talk on the phone whenever we wanted. This was our 1st time he's been over seas, our 1st time married that he's missed a Holiday Season and I couldn't just call him up and talk to him - Heck, he couldn't even call me.

It sucked and it was hard. But because of my daughter - I got up every morning. Because of my daughter - I ate every day. Because of my daughter - I pushed on. And eventually, I made it through that month and a half. . . Because of my daughter.

I have never in my life imagined how much I would love my unborn child. . . How much such a tiny human being would help me pull through a hard time. I never knew how much I would love my child - Growing inside me and when she is born. But the love I feel for this little girl is indescribable and something I have never felt before. And something only a mother would feel for her child. If you know me, you know how much I truly love my husband. But the love I have for my daughter. . . Wow. It's on a completely different level. A level I never realize existed.
I know that the minute I lay eyes on her beautiful little body - I will fall even deeper in love with her. I feel that isn't possible - But I know it will happen. We will have a bond like nothing else. My mom and I have a great bond - She has been there for me more then anybody else in my life and continues to be there for me. . . No matter how many stupid mistakes I make, no matter how many times she may think "I told you so" - She'll always be there to pick me up when I am down. And that is the kind of bond, relationship and friendship I am so excited to have with my daughter.
I know now. . . That because of having her with me 24/7 every single day of this deployment - We will share that special bond.

She is my miracle baby.
And I knew from the very start that she would be.

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